Lost Script: Lum and Abner – I Love You. (retro571) 490612.

As a matter of fan fiction, and after finding this lost crept in a Jot Em Down Journal, Keith takes it upon himself to read all the parts. Be warned, no actual voice actors were harmed in the production of this script… Or used in any way for that matter. Enjoy the story, and laugh at Keith as he makes a fool of himself.

The story begins with Lum trying to earn lots of money by being a song writer. He tells Abner all about the deal where you write the lyrics, then send them to a printing house where they write the music. Zazu Pitts arrives to pitch the county’s home canning project.Opie enters to learn about the money making scheme, and is asked to write the music. Though he gives it his best try, Lum throws him out.

The mid show commercial has been dropped, and replaced by an audio article from the Jot Em Down Journal, read by Donnie Pitchford, president of the National Lum and Abner Society. A eulogy written by Chet Lauck for his his long time friend, Norris “Tuffy” Goff.

The long awaited musical scores arrive. If only Lum could find a piano to hear his song. Meanwhile, Mose Moots arrives to tell a sad story about a man whose family rejected him for marrying a woman beneath the family social status. He also tells about an old friend who is visiting town, Honeyboy Davis, a band leader who has his own show on the radio. All Lum needs to do is find a piano for the band to use.

When the giggley widow Abernathy enters, Lum discovers she has a piano, and sweet talks her into having him over, not telling her about the intrusion of the band. Zazu Pitts returns for more jokes about canning, and dating, and the band arrives to play Lum’s hit song. Abner gets roped into singing the tune.
Well? How did it go? Has Lum just written a million dollar hit song? If you can manage staying tuned to this one man acted play, you’ll find out the mixed news.

PS: Did you love it? Hate it? No matter where you stand, drop me a line to tell me that you want more, or to never do this again. It was a lot of work, but this first attempt at this kind of production was take 1 on the reading, with a little editing added only to clean up some awkward pauses, and to drop in a few sound affects.

Attributes: Opening and closing is the usual, They Cut Down the Old Pine, by the Tune Wranglers. Music bridges and transitions was from Skruggs and Flatt, from a live recording in 1953, Earl’s Breakdown. For background accompaniment, a shortened version of Count Basie’s instrumental tune, I’ll Always Love You.